- Me: *playing Tomb Raider*
- Grandmother who is visiting for the weekend: Mind if I sit with you?
- Me: *squirming slightly because there is gore and swearing in this game and my grandmother is a sweet old lady: Um, if you want to.
- Grandmother: *sits* Thank you, dear.
- Me: *continuing to play for about five minutes*
- Grandmother: LOOK OUT THERE ARE THREE COMING DOWN THE HILL
- Grandmother: THAT WAS POINT BLANK HOW ARE THEY ALIVE
- Grandmother: OOOHH YOU MADE THAT EXPLODE
- Grandmother: STOP KILLING MY GRANDDAUGHTER
- Grandmother: KILL THEM KILL THEM ALL
- Grandmother: OHHHHH YOU SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD OHHHHHHHHH
- Grandmother: RUN RUN RUN YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE RUN
- Grandmother: OKAY NOW KILL THEM ALL
- Me: *slowly turns to look at her* Grandma
- Grandmother: *sweet smile* Hmm?
- Me: Grandma oh my god
- Grandmother: *more smiling* Well, hurry up and kill everyone else, I want to see you save this Sam person.
- Grandmother: Kill them.
she went awf
#you do not understand white mom culture until you’ve watched this video
There’s a certain look in the eyes of women like this that you learn to recognize when you’ve worked customer service long enough. It sparks rage and panic.
Gather round children, whilst I tell you a little story.
So I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist with my roommate, when I got thirsty and decided what the hell, Ima get myself a Coke. So I went down to the vending machine on our floor and swiped my card and pressed the button to vend the Coke. Well, TWO cokes popped out.
I looked around, wondering if I was on one of those punk’d shows, and grabbed both bottles. Suddenly, a loud thrumming came from the machine, and lo and behold, 6 MORE COKES CAME OUT.
After checking my debit card statement, I found that I was only charged for ONE coke. Feeling giddy but slightly guilty, I nabbed all 8 bottles of coke and went back to my room. After telling my roommate what happened, she decided to go back to the coke machine with me and see if only the Cokes are affected.
She bought two Sprites, and what the fuck do ya know, she got those damn Sprites, AS WELL AS 11 FREE COKES.
This of course jammed the machine, and before I knew it, I was on my knees with my arm up the Coke machine, practically birthing these little fuckers. I even read off their names on their bottles as I handed them to my roommate. We also found a random Cherry Coke had popped out as well.
Behold our finished family. 19 cokes, 2 Sprites, and a Cherry Coke, all the result of a very overworked and confused Coke machine.